


Fumble Fingers, Steady Hands

by FannishMinded



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: AU, Cultural Differences, F/F, F/M, Fusion, Gen, Hobbits are Kender, I just love this Bilbo, Kleptomania, M/M, Multi, No pairings yet - Freeform, Nori and Bilbo will be besties, Other, at the very least, culture clash, this will end well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 22:28:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3266690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FannishMinded/pseuds/FannishMinded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HKM Fill: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/7346.html?thread=17452722#t17452722<br/>Reverse Hobbits. Basically, all the Hobbits are great adventurers except for the Tooks and Brandybucks, who are only respectable through their great wealth. Belladonna Took was considered almost insane by her quiet, Took relations for marrying the Wild Bungo Baggins of the Baggins clan.(Worse than the Tooks in the regular world)<br/>Bilbo was a mix of his father and mother growing up, he loved going out and having "Adventures" but also loved quietly sitting and reading.<br/>When the quest comes along the dwarves have next to no trouble convincing Bilbo to come along. "Oh, a dragon? Well that sounds like good fun, where do I sign up?"<br/>Many shenanigans ensue.<br/>--- I took this to be Kender. And Tooks and Brandybucks are the only Hobbit Hobbits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fumble Fingers, Steady Hands

Bilbo was not your normal Hobbit, so when Gandalf the Wizard came by, Bilbo actually stopped to think for just a moment before saying yes.

"Are you quite sure you don't want to ask a more suited Hobbit, like my cousin Drogo?" Bilbo asked, while worrying his lip, Gandalf smiled as he replied "I am quite sure, Bilbo Baggins, and while it does my heart well to see your mother's teaching has not been forgotten, we will need your nimble fingers before we are done. I can think of no other Hobbit to be our final member." Bilbo blinked and fluttered his hands at this.

Bilbo hemmed and hawed for a moment longer before beaming a wide smile and bouncing on his toes. His Baggins nature given the nod from his mother's upbringing to be let free as he agreed to go on an adventure.

With the same Wizard that had managed to coax a shy Took out onto the road. It was going to be brilliant!

His mouth babbled out questions even as he bounced on his toes and danced his fingers in the air with excitement, seeming to try and connect the words in the air as they spilled from his mouth. "When do we leave? You mentioned final member, will the others join us on the road, or will we meet them in Bree? Or are they coming here? How long will we be gone? Will I need to bring tools?"

Gandalf laughed heartily and shook his head, motioning Bilbo to calm, much as he often had to when he visited the Shire. "Peace, Bilbo, peace! Yes, the dwarves will meet here, tonight as you are agreeable, I will carve the signal rune for them and go gather them. You should pack for the longest of journeys as we will be gone for much of the rest of the year, at the very least." Bilbo frowned and counted off things in his head, but if anything his bouncing on his toes picked up tempo. Gandalf shook his head at the sight but his own grin was growing at the sight.

"I will leave you, Bilbo, to get around and prepare. Tonight will be the last night in Bag End, for a very long time." Bilbo blinked and refocused on Gandalf before nodding sharply. "Right! Right, well, you do what you need, I will get started, much to do, much to do, and I've not even a spouse to leave the runnings to!" Bilbo started into his house, missing Gandalf's amused chuckling and the scrape of a rune being carved in the door.

By the time Bilbo thought to ask just how MANY guests he should be cooking for, Gandalf was long gone.

So Bilbo gathered some of his mother's Locks and other welcoming frivolities that Outsiders would not appreciate, but Lobellia had coveted for years, and ran to get some help from her. She had always accepted that Bilbo was a little queer, and didn't hold the Tookish oddities against him, as he didn't hold his agitation long with her.

Between them, they prepped for a party of up to 20 hobbits, and Bilbo had time to pack the largest hiking pack and two nice side bags. Lobellia's own uncle had traveled with humans once, and she advised he pack some extra bags just in case Dwarves were as silly as Humans.

Really, traveling ON animals. So odd.

But, no help for it, best to be prepared.

With that in mind, he even packed his mother's pocket guide to being "More Took than Taker". He'd need to brush up on etiquette for Dwarves separately, but her book really was the best guide to the basics. 

Bilbo pushed the platter over some more on the largest table, grabbing another slice of meat and a roll, before looking at his pocket guide and debating starting to read it now.

His mother had written it after his father died. She had been heartbroken, knowing she was not long for the world, but in her own words, she "could't leave her job of raising him half done". Her last year of life was spent drilling Bilbo and writing out guides of etiquette and interaction. She had also explained her own thoughts on why she did what she did, many times.

Bilbo smiled as he looked at the diagram of the lock on mother's writing desk on the first page. He fell into musing and memory as he traced the lines of it with his finger.

His own blessed mother had long since given up on trying to lock things of actual value by the time Bilbo was born, as father just kept appreciating her hard work on presenting him challenges, but being very curious and a bit frustrated as to why her "private" writings went there. He read them, but "only because she obviously wanted him to with all the work she went into changing the locks to keep rewarding him". Father had spent much time defending himself the few times mother had mentioned this around him.

When she left them on her bookshelf, he was grateful he didn't have to read them anymore, even if he did comment quite a few times that he wouldn't mind having to keep reading her new writings if it meant she didn't stop rewarding him with new locks.

She knew his reasoning quite well, understanding how and why he thought that way, even if it frustrated her to no end.

She accepted it, but when she fell pregnant, she swore up and down that even if the child popped out with naught but a single drop of Took blood, she'd make him into someone her own Father would not fret over having in the Took Family Smial. She had mentioned her oath often enough that Bilbo sometimes felt he could remember seeing it in his mind, even though he'd been in the womb at the time.

She went to great lengths to explain to him as a lad, that it was not a reward to have locks, to "less nimble" folk, like Tooks, Brandybucks and all other races, but a strong request to please leave the object inside the locks alone. It took a lot of work to get him to understand it, but for a boy that so took after his father, even the minor victory of only unlocking locks in friends houses, and when visiting regular Hobbits, was still celebrated as a victory.

The penchant he picked up instead for improving locks when visiting said "Less Nimble" folks, however, was a battle Belladonna fought throughout Bilbo's fauntling years. The larger issue, far bigger than Bilbo's attempts to be helpful to those less adept in Hobbit tools, was teaching the very Tookish idea of TACT.

The improvements were one thing, his calling her own dear siblings "Shockingly less nimble than even mother when she's tired!" when they could not unlock the doors to their rooms with their keys due to said improvements was another thing entirely. Till the day she died, mother had to return to Tuckborough alone to prevent further issues.

She spent those years teaching what not to say in social situations, and the simpler (by comparison) lesson that either breaking into, or improving, locks was only to be done with normal Hobbits. Nor was sharing or borrowing items not offered explicitly. She wrote as much as she could, and drilled him more, such that by the time he was left alone in Bag End, he was almost as Tookish acting as a half Brandybuck cousin might be expected to be.

He was dragged out of his musings by the doorbell.

Bother. No time to brush up, the first guest had arrived.

Bilbo had to struggle to remember everything his Mother had taught him as he welcomed the large Dwarf in. He had a million questions, and feared he'd make the poor Dwarf cry like he had his cousin. The Dwarf was even more fumble fingers than poor Paladin Took. Bother, but this was going to be hard. Why more races couldn't just be sensible was beyond him.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay- so, Kender, if you are unaware are basically ADHD nutball eternal children that, well, are like the best of feeding a hyperactive kid a pint of soda and watching them go. Expect MANY shenanigans.   
> I do take some input, and if lots of folks want a pairing or someone to be a different sex, the muses might very well listen. 
> 
> This will update sporadically. AKA, you might get 2 updates in a week, and might not get one for over a year. 
> 
> I tend to write this one when manic, you can probably see why.


End file.
